Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Let it slide, let your troubles fall behind you. Let it shine, until you feel it all around you.

This song brings back so many memories, memories that a year ago, I might have sulked over, but now I can just smile and laugh and feel good about the way things ended. I know there are bigger and better things waiting out there for me, but it feels good to be at peace with him and everything that came along with that situation.

I feel happy. I’ve been happy before, but I have never felt this consistently happy. I’ve finally found what works for me. Ever since I was sick… I visualized all these things I needed to be… all the things I needed to change in order to get to this point, and I’ve changed them, I’m almost there, at the destination I have been dreaming of reaching. Before, I felt like I was a lot of talk. When I talked to friends, family, whomever, and gave them advice… I should’ve been talking to myself, too. I stood for all these things that I wasn't strong enough to do myself. I am slowly but surely reaching that point I long to reach. Everyday, I feel more complete, and there’s really no other way to describe it.

The past three years have been one long spiritual journey… a journey I hope never ends. This is what life is supposed to be like. I’m discovering more and more about myself and I just have this unquenchable thirst for learning, for changing, for growing. I love life, and I love waking up in the morning and feeling elated and blessed no matter the weather or the circumstance. I love the fact that those silly moments I have with myself, the ones where I am free and completely myself? ... I love that I can share those moments with other people now, because I know it means I'm not holding back anymore. I love my family, I love my friends, oh, God do I love them, and appreciate them, for all they’ve given and taught me. I have so many angels in my life, it makes me want to cry, because I hear people say they have no one, and it makes me realize that I’m not just lucky, I’m blessed. I am blessed, blessed, blessed beyond belief.

Some say it’s impossible to change, but I say they’re just looking for an excuse not to try. I know, because I was one of those people. I looked to blame every circumstance, every person, every thing except myself; when I realized that I was the problem – that’s when I was really able to initiate change and this entire process of self-discovery. This morning, my dad kept saying, “I’m so proud of you, I’m so proud of you, you turned your life around and I’ve never felt more proud in my life.” I cannot… put into words, just how much that means to me. I cannot, because it is simply the most gratifying, the most touching, and the most meaningful compliment I have ever received in my life and most likely, ever will receive. Not just because of what he said, but also because it came from him, the best person I have ever known. He told me that there’s been a pattern that can’t seem to stop repeating itself in my mother’s family; my mother treated me poorly, her mother treated her poorly, her mother treated her poorly, etc., but he told me that he knows I will be the one to break the cycle because I am stronger than my mother ever was or ever will be. The moment he said that… I felt freed. My greatest fear was always that I would turn out like my mother, and I always believed I would, but when he said that, I realized… no, that’s not true. It doesn’t have to be like that, and it won’t be like that. I am not my mother. That realization is so huge for me, I cannot even tell you. It’s the completion I’ve spent the past 18 years trying to come to.

I’m finally on my way.

Sunday, March 4, 2007

The Secret.

Energy flows where attention goes.

Saturday, March 3, 2007

This thing called life.

Lately, I’ve been looking at every person I come across and seeing them as my teachers, because I believe it’s possible to take something away from every person that comes into our life, whether it be for five minutes or fifty years. I had lunch with my good friend and her mother yesterday, and her mother is one of the most consistently happy people that I know. Both her attitude and perspective astound me! And she said something yesterday that really resonated with me. I can’t quote her words exactly because I don’t remember, but basically she said, all you have to do in life is make the right decisions. It’s really that easy! Every day, if you make good choices, you sleep better at night. You don’t have to constantly look behind you to see if someone’s watching. You don’t have to hide. You don’t have to worry about consequences. You make the right choices, you’ll feel GOOD about yourself and the universe will open doors for you and provide you with an abundance of blessings - more than you could possibly imagine. When she said that, I just realized how simple it really is. Granted, sometimes it's not easy to pick up that book and study when you'd rather be out with your friends, but think about how accomplished you’ll feel afterwards. You’ll just be giving yourself one more reason to feel proud, one more reason to think, “Wow, I really am capable.”

And you know what? Life is a gift. Our possibilities as human beings are endless - the only person that can stop you is yourself. You are not your circumstances! How empowering is that? You are not your circumstances. And each one of you has so much to give and offer the world - things that no other person on this entire planet can provide. One of the biggest crimes you could ever commit is to deprive the world of everything you have to share. You are beautiful, unique, and capable of more than you can ever imagine. You were brought in to this world to live the life of your dreams and change those around you, not to suffer! The world is yours for the taking if you just grab a hold of it.

So dream big. Smile just because. Tell your loved ones how much you appreciate them. Treat yourself because you’re worth it. Embrace life, because this isn’t a dress rehearsal, it’s the real deal. And above all, keep shining!


“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate; our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” Marianne Williamson