Let it slide, let your troubles fall behind you. Let it shine, until you feel it all around you.

This song brings back so many memories, memories that a year ago, I might have sulked over, but now I can just smile and laugh and feel good about the way things ended. I know there are bigger and better things waiting out there for me, but it feels good to be at peace with him and everything that came along with that situation.

I feel happy. I’ve been happy before, but I have never felt this consistently happy. I’ve finally found what works for me. Ever since I was sick… I visualized all these things I needed to be… all the things I needed to change in order to get to this point, and I’ve changed them, I’m almost there, at the destination I have been dreaming of reaching. Before, I felt like I was a lot of talk. When I talked to friends, family, whomever, and gave them advice… I should’ve been talking to myself, too. I stood for all these things that I wasn't strong enough to do myself. I am slowly but surely reaching that point I long to reach. Everyday, I feel more complete, and there’s really no other way to describe it.

The past three years have been one long spiritual journey… a journey I hope never ends. This is what life is supposed to be like. I’m discovering more and more about myself and I just have this unquenchable thirst for learning, for changing, for growing. I love life, and I love waking up in the morning and feeling elated and blessed no matter the weather or the circumstance. I love the fact that those silly moments I have with myself, the ones where I am free and completely myself? ... I love that I can share those moments with other people now, because I know it means I'm not holding back anymore. I love my family, I love my friends, oh, God do I love them, and appreciate them, for all they’ve given and taught me. I have so many angels in my life, it makes me want to cry, because I hear people say they have no one, and it makes me realize that I’m not just lucky, I’m blessed. I am blessed, blessed, blessed beyond belief.

Some say it’s impossible to change, but I say they’re just looking for an excuse not to try. I know, because I was one of those people. I looked to blame every circumstance, every person, every thing except myself; when I realized that I was the problem – that’s when I was really able to initiate change and this entire process of self-discovery. This morning, my dad kept saying, “I’m so proud of you, I’m so proud of you, you turned your life around and I’ve never felt more proud in my life.” I cannot… put into words, just how much that means to me. I cannot, because it is simply the most gratifying, the most touching, and the most meaningful compliment I have ever received in my life and most likely, ever will receive. Not just because of what he said, but also because it came from him, the best person I have ever known. He told me that there’s been a pattern that can’t seem to stop repeating itself in my mother’s family; my mother treated me poorly, her mother treated her poorly, her mother treated her poorly, etc., but he told me that he knows I will be the one to break the cycle because I am stronger than my mother ever was or ever will be. The moment he said that… I felt freed. My greatest fear was always that I would turn out like my mother, and I always believed I would, but when he said that, I realized… no, that’s not true. It doesn’t have to be like that, and it won’t be like that. I am not my mother. That realization is so huge for me, I cannot even tell you. It’s the completion I’ve spent the past 18 years trying to come to.

I’m finally on my way.